You never knew a bucket could do this!
With our new-fangled line of all-you-can-smash buckets delivered right to your doorstep every night for a month twice a decade, you'll never run out of suspicious bucketry ever again!
One of our most famous Bucketloads© carried the weight of the entire Antarctican volunteer moose–militia in one adorable airport carry-on-sized package. Of the seven thousand subscribers who received one of these buckets, literally none of them hand-wrote us a college-ruled complaint letter! Could you every truly forgive yourself for missing out on an opportunity like that?
Another famous bucket included a steaming goop of unidentifiable slop! Throw it at your friends or eat it and hope for the best—the possibilities are figuratively limitless! If only you'd been around for that one, huh?
Perhaps our worst choice was that time we decided to fill a few thousand unmarked buckets with very pointy, poisonous glass-hewn shivs, handmade from the scraggles of the Fluggly Marshbuffoon. That was quite the lawsuit, believe you me! Nevertheless, great publicity…